disjunct

This is really tough, but I'm trying really hard.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

This is really tough, but I'm trying really hard.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

So this is me ranting about me, you can ignore it if you want.

I'm really fed up with feeling stupid. I never really had to study in school, ever. I did well enough without it that I just figured I was really smart. I DO think I'm smart, don't get me wrong... But ever since I actually started learning NEW stuff in these courses I've been taking, I just can't seem to get anything to work right without countless hours of fiddling. Cut and dry super simple things end up taking hours, and then some little tiny thing irl ends up pushing me into a really bad mood, and nobody has a fun time with that, ever.

So I feel stupid a lot lately. So what? I'm better off than a lot of people, and I'm no Sue, so I should be fine. And I am, after an extended period of whiny moping. That moping, however, puts me into another bad mood. I don't like whining, and when I get self-destructive mentally, it doesn't help my relationships. Mom gets worried because I don't share anything with her, Amy gets.. I don't think worried entirely encompasses it, but its a major part of what I see... But anyway, she gets worried because I'm not in a spot where she can help me, and from the other side of that I know how it feels. I don't like putting her through these "dumb moments" that seem to last forever, so hopefully I can push them away. Try to be a better person and all that. Yeah.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

 So, all my life - well, no. Since I was little and I first saw Star Wars. After I was done wanting to be a paleontologist. Which I'm really not done with, but anyway.

Since I was little and I first saw Star Wars, I thought that it would be awesome to work on something like that. I wanted to do special effects. The little explosions, tossing a miniature across the screen, whatever. I wanted to be a part of it. Then, COMPUTERS. They made things crazy awesome. Did you see Terminator 2? Hell, even the Power Rangers movie - which I laugh at now - looked awesome when it came out, and I wanted to be a part of that. THEN! Then they COMBINED the two, and updated Star Wars with computer effects. And made the prequels. And I love them, I don't care what anybody says. I wanted to work for ILM so hard. I wanted to so badly that I downloaded illegal software, I tried to teach it to myself, and I even tried to go to college locally to learn how to use 3d modeling software. Unfortunately, locally was a bad idea, and I ruined it for myself. Turns out my fears were correct, and I should've tried to go to Florida or California or something to learn how to do it. Don't take that as a regret, because I really like my life. But dammit, I'm kind of bitter, because I log onto my current school site (which is now technically located in California) and guess what.. Three Paid Internships and two Full-time Positions at Lucasfilm. They're looking for people on MY school's site. I gave up on 3d animation a long time ago, for several reasons, but one of them was that I'd never accomplish what I dreamed about. And you know what? Son of a bitch, I just might've been able to, if I had just stuck to my guns. 

One more of those reasons is that I'm not good at being creative on a schedule, and another is that I'm so easily distracted I don't think I'd be very good at it. Who knows.

Without further ado, I present...

Actualizing Fiction: Why You Should Fear the Walking Dead.

This is pretty much directed at you, Rita, as everyone here that cares can see the actual paper.. Enjoy, let me know what you think. I had lots of fun with this. ^^

( Read more... )

so mario linked me to this amazing thing called omegle.com. you get to be connected to a random person, and then you have a discussion. here is my last discussion.
( Read more... )

so mel's leaving wegmans... kinda sucks having one less competent co-worker around. sucks a lot, actually. i'll miss her for her attitude and her work ethic. sonsabitches never giving her full time. 

 So I finished The Affinity Bridge, and I was pleasantly surprised by it. There were plenty of little plot twists - nothing ground-breaking, mind you - and there were even elements hidden until the epilogue... Overall, I really liked it. Automatons ftw.

Super excited to do school for the first time in a while... So... Woot!


Watched Julie & Julia the other night, it was very good, but emotional as hell as well. Definitely would watch it one more time, ever... Don't have any urge to watch it right now, though. It was a good story that was very interesting, but I think once or twice is enough.

Almost halfway through my book, The Affinity Bridge. I REALLY like it so far. Anybody who's devoid of reading material can borrow it as soon as I'm done. After Amy, of course. Apparently it's the first in a series that's emerging? So I'm kind of excited about that, as I have future awesome to look forward to in word form.


I'm gonna try to actually use this thinger for a while... Maybe post once every couple days instead of every couple months....? We'll see how it turns out.

so now i get an e-mail saying that they need a copy of mom's license for my student loans... i've been getting loans from them since march of 2009, and they never needed anything before... wtf, salliemae.